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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23789785">Walking and Restraints</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolorous_nq/pseuds/Dolorous_nq'>Dolorous_nq</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Background Relationships, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Grief, Harry is not okay, Resurrection Stone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:14:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23789785</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolorous_nq/pseuds/Dolorous_nq</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On June 30, 1999, Harry Potter walks back to the Forbidden Forest for some closure.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black &amp; Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Walking and Restraints</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He apparates in Hogsmeade around midnight. It was a Wednesday and the village was clear except for a few stragglers at the Three Broomsticks.</p><p>It was the second anniversary of the day of Dumbledore's death, the cave, and Snape’s betrayal that wasn’t really a betrayal. Not a lot of people knew that; the anniversary for the Battle of Hogwarts took the prize this year; probably only him and Malfoy remembered or cared about what happened on this day.</p><p>Ginny left him at Grimmauld Place only an hour ago, and she casually mentioned the date just before leaving. Harry couldn’t sleep; he couldn't even sit still. </p><p>Everything changed that night. For him, it was the start of the war, where he could no longer depend on Dumbledore to have all the answers. It was the day Dumbledore left the fate of the Wizarding world on his shoulders.</p><p>When he lost all hopes of getting any sleep, he started pacing around the house for a few minutes, until he once again stood in front the door that read: <i>Do Not Enter Without the Express Permission of Regulus Arcturus Black.</i></p><p>Maybe walking around the house was a bad idea.</p><p>For almost a year after the headmaster’s death, he believed the man died for nothing. The man who many believed was the greatest wizard of their time, died because he was on a fool’s mission to get a fake locket, drink a mind disabling potion, fight a herd of Infiri, and walk straight into a trap made by a seventeen-year-old.</p><p>He now knows it was all a hoax, and the old wizard had made specific arrangements and had walked into the trap knowingly. Yet, something felt off about all of that; if it was all a plan to trick Voldemort, why did it feel like Harry was the one being laughed at?</p><p>Harry was at the cave, he had to force Dumbledore to drink that potion, and he had to watch his Headmaster and mentor die. And he was the one left with a fake locket, four Horcruxes to hunt, and one madman to take down.</p><p>So as he stood in front of Regulus Arcturus Black’s door, he remembered his words, <i>I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more.</i> </p><p>The man who defied the Dark Lord and died, got nothing in return; no glory, no namesake memorials, no Order of Merlin award, and no Chocolate Frog card. The man who discovered the truth about the Horcruxes and couldn’t stand aside. Not even Voldemort knew of his defiance. Not even…</p><p>Walking away from the village and around the lake, hoping not to be noticed as he edged his way towards the Forbidden Forest. Deep down he knew there was a reason for why he was doing this, but for now, he kept thinking that sleep wasn’t coming anytime soon, and he needed a walk.</p><p>He tried to remember the path he took when he walked to face Voldemort; it was harder than he thought. Apparently, as you walk to die, you don’t notice much about the trees on the way.</p><p>After walking in circles, he stood in one place and thought again about what he was doing; he didn’t <i>have</i> to find the exact path, he could try something else, but that would mean he would have to admit what he was doing here, and that was not easy.</p><p>He breathed a few huffs of air, then got his wand out.</p><p>“<i>Accio Resurrection stone</i>,” he summoned, in almost a whisper. A small part of him hoped it wouldn’t come, and that it was immune to summons like the invisibility cloak.</p><p>The stone was in his hand in an instant; he must’ve been much closer than he thought. A year ago, he dropped it here thinking, it’ll be safe, that nobody will be able to find where he had left it so randomly. He never thought he’d be the one coming to look for it, barely a year later.</p><p>But Harry had to admit that he needed this, he has been pretending to be okay and well adjusted for too long. Tonight was not the only night where he lost sleep, and it was not the first death anniversary he couldn’t stop thinking about his role in. Ginny by his side usually helped, but tonight he was all alone. He just needed this one moment of weakness, to let go.</p><p>With another deep breath, he tuned the stone. </p><p>At third turn, he opened his eyes to look, this time knowing what to expect. Sirius Black stood in front of him in the same not-ghostly-nor-really-there appearance, but this time he stood alone.</p><p>Harry knew that this is where the small grain of restraint in him played its part. He didn’t need to recall his parents; he had made peace with their death a long time ago, and he had said his goodbyes. There was still an ache in him whenever he thought of Remus, but it felt okay because it was healing; just like everyone that died in the battle, he grieved, but there was a vision of an after. </p><p>And he did not feel like seeing Dumbledore or Snape; that’s not what was bothering him today. He was still bitter, but he understood, and he didn’t need any more explanations and excuses to why it <i>had</i> to happen. It just did.</p><p>Sirius is who he needed. If Harry could blame himself for every death that occurred during the war, none strikes him as true as Sirius’s does. It’s how he felt even after all those years and after all that happened. He never really forgave himself for walking into the trap that killed his godfather. And the fact that Harry still lives in his house and is reminded of him daily, is probably not healthy.</p><p>Yet the man stands in front of him with a smile void of any resentment, “Hello, Harry.”</p><p>“Hello, Sirius,” Harry said, his voice sounding rasp.</p><p>“Did you fancy a chat?” Asked Sirius when Harry just stared at him, but there was no judgement in it, “Or did you just miss me too much?”</p><p>Harry’s laugh could’ve been a sob at how true those words were, but he didn’t want this memory to be of him crying all over Sirius, “Yeah, something like that.”</p><p>Still smiling, Sirius nodded and sat gracefully on the ground, his body doing nothing to disturb the grass beneath him, and gestured for Harry to sit.</p><p>Harry leaned against the closest tree and sat, realizing it’s the middle of the night and he did a lot of walking for one day.</p><p>A few moments passed before Harry cleared his throat and said, “I called you here to say something important, but first I have to say one thing,” he took a few breaths then resumed, “I am- What happened that day, I was so stupid, if I just didn’t go, if I hadn’t believed the- I am just so sorry.”</p><p>“Harry,” Sirius called him when he was looking down in the grass, “Harry, you don’t need to apologize to me,” he was tilting his head to meet Harry’s eyes, “I never blamed you for what happened.”</p><p>Harry was looking at him now, and shaking his head, not sure if it was in denial or to hold back his tears.</p><p>Sirius continued, “It’s you who need to forgive yourself. You’ve been beating yourself up too much, thinking of what you could’ve done differently, of what you should’ve done instead, of what could’ve happened. How life would be so much better if you did that one thing differently,” Sirius let out an audible sigh, “Believe me, Harry, I know how that feels. It’s what consumed me for fourteen years. Please don’t do that to yourself on my account.”</p><p>Harry couldn’t hold the tears, this time. They flowed with every word Sirius spoke, each striking him hard in the chest.</p><p>Sirius felt his pain, he understood.</p><p>His Godfather sat in silence as he watched him wipe his tears and rest his head against the tree, feeling exhausted. </p><p>He needed to say what he came here for, otherwise he will never leave. If he talked to Sirius any more than necessary, he might take the stone back to Grimmauld Place. He needed to focus.</p><p>“On this day, two years ago,” he started, looking at something on the ground next to Sirius, “Professor Dumbledore and I went to a cave that held something that belonged to Voldemort, something that was necessary to defeat him; a Horcrux. The cave had a lake full of Inferi and a potion that weekend the person drinking it, as measures to protect the Horcrux.”</p><p>When he looked at Sirius, the man was listening with a soft and understanding look.</p><p>Harry wasn’t sure if this was really Sirius or just a figment of him to make the caller feel better, he never really knew how the stone worked. Real or not he needed to get it out; the slight chance that Sirius will know would be worth it.</p><p>He continued, “When we got to it, we found a locket with a letter inside. It was fake, someone had taken the real locket and replaced it. The letter said that he will destroy it, in the hope it will bring Voldemort closer to death,” He looked at Sirius eyes when he said, “The letter was signed by R.A.B.”</p><p>Slowly, Sirius’s soft smile turned into a full grin, he whispered, “Regulus.”</p><p>Harry offered a small smile in return, “Yes, Regulus found out about the Horcrux and went to the cave to take it and destroy it.”</p><p>He couldn’t look at Sirius happy face and turned to look into the forest.</p><p>“That’s how he died,” said Harry, “He defied Voldemort and died in the attempt, and nobody even knew.”</p><p>Sirius was still quiet. Harry glanced at him and found him looking away, too.</p><p>“I thought you should know,” Harry kept going, “the Wizarding world doesn’t, and the Ministry is not planning to change that anytime soon, since the Horcruxes have not been made public. Regulus’s efforts will go unknown and uncelebrated.”</p><p>“Thank you, Harry.”</p><p>It was said so softly, Harry could’ve missed it.</p><p>“Thank you, for telling me this. Thank you for not forgetting my brother when the rest of the world did,” said Sirius his voice firm but still gentle, “I can see so many things that you are still struggling with, but I hope in telling me this that you will find some peace.”</p><p>Harry looked at his Godfather, knowing that this could all be in his head, an illusion of Sirius telling him exactly what he wants to hear, but the twinge in his heart felt real enough.</p><p>“You look like you really need it, Harry,” Sirius finished with his happy grin back.</p><p>Harry found himself laughing, and when his head rested on the tree bark, he felt sleep finally creeping on him and he was more than ready to give in. He opened his hand and the stone slipped away just like it did before. </p><p>He didn’t feel whole yet, but it felt better. A hint of closure.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was supposed to be about Harry and Sirius, but Regulus creeped in here somehow</p><p>Sorry if this is all over the place but I found HarryPOV very difficult to write, he has a lot of issues to get through</p><p>Hopefully I'll write something non-Regulus related soon, </p><p>Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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